No, we cannot rebuild you

I am starting to feel like a very cheap version of the Bionic Woman - where they rebuild her with duct tape and string instead of cybernetic organisms. As I get huger and huger, more and more of my body is starting to complain about the stress but there is no permanent solution at this point (apart from the obvious). So I just keep adding another device, medication or exercise to my day in an effort to ward off long term issues... At the moment, this includes:

• A knee brace to give my poor knees a break from hauling the extra weight around. I currently only have one (pilfered from Mr Paul) so I need to investigate a second rather than alternating legs.
• A back support (a version of this) that holds my sacroiliac joint in place. This stops the delightful sciatica down my right leg and prevents my hip making some very disturbing noises, but it requires that you wear extremely large undies underneath to avoid any velcro burn. Lucky for me, extremely large undies are the only thing that fits at the moment.
  
• A tape edifice (applied by physio) to give my shoulders a break and hopefully relax them enough so they will stop bloody hurting.
• Holding my jaw every time I yawn, to make sure I don't over extend and pop my jaw joints out or something equally dramatic.
  
• Regular doses of mylanta to ensure I can continue to face eating in the face of excruciating discomfort from gas and generally no room for my digestive system.
  
• And in the interests of my nether regions, pelvic floor exercises whenever I think of them!

I am waiting to see what is going to go next. I am sure we can chuck in some constipation
and even less sleep...